Friday Fictioneers ✮ Flash Fiction 100 words ✮ Blindwalking
PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
Friday Fictioneers is a weekly flash fiction writing challenge, hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. The challenge is to write a complete short story in 100 words, using the photo prompt as inspiration. Why not have a go at it? It’s certainly challenging, but fun! Here is my offering:
Blindwalking
‘Put it away!’ he pleads, my nose buried in the guidebook’s streetmap.
‘I’m trying to find this restaurant. It’s recommended and…’ I swivel the map, ‘according to this,’ I jab at the page, ‘we’re two streets away.’
‘Stop it.’ He grasps my wrists, a little too tight. ‘It doesn’t bloody matter where we eat.’
I’ve been so restrained all holiday, but it’s building up inside me. ‘I can’t do this anymore!’ I wail.
Tourists scurry past, heads down, pretending not to have seen my outburst. He pulls me to him and breathes into my neck. ‘We’ll get through this. I promise you.’
Word count: 102
I could see the scene in my head.
Well put
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Holidays can be so stressful sometimes. A clever and truthful little scene. Well done.
There’s bound to be a McD’s around the corner. Nice one.
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Yep those holidays in a new place can be pretty stressful. Great stuff.
Oh yes. Touring can be a pain when the guidebook is somewhat depended upon — and someone in your family or friend is trying to tell you it doesn’t matter.
Nice story, Rebecca.
But WHY has she been “restrained”? WHAT are they going to get through? If I don’t get any sleep tonight, it’s your fault 🙂
Hi Linda, something very interesting has happened with this piece. All the men who have read/commented thought it was just holiday stress. But all the women who have read/commented have realised what I intended with it, that there’s a lot more going on than that. I wonder what that says! Thanks so much for dropping by.
Dear Rebecca,
Tightly wound piece. I could feel the tension and it makes me think there’s more to this than a mere holiday. Nicely done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Hi Rochelle, something very interesting has happened with this piece. All the men who have read/commented thought it was just holiday stress. But all the women who have read/commented have realised what I intended with it, that there’s a lot more going on than just that. I wonder what that says! Thanks so much for dropping by.
Dear Rebecca, I’ve been trying for 15 minutes to leave you a comment to no avail, so I’m leaving it here. Sorry. Your story is very true. How many couples have been in public at one time or another, and something just snaps. Good story! Nan
Hi Nan, sorry, I’m not sure why it wasn’t working trying to leave a comment! Thanks so much, am pleased it felt true to you.
Well set scene, though I feel there’s a lot more going on in her head than being locationally confused. I feel like I’ve come in on Act II — in Act I, back at the hotel, they must have had a serious argument that’s left them both on edge.
In your first sentence you have a bit of confusion re with he pleads, my nose etc. He pleads when he sees my nose buried…
Hi Christine, something very interesting has happened with this piece. All the men who have read/commented thought it was just holiday stress. But all the women who have read/commented have realised what I intended with it, that there’s a lot more going on than that. I wonder what that says! Thanks so much for dropping by. Also for advice re first sentence. This is what happens when I try to edit too religiously, trying to reach that holy grail of 100 words!!
Are they trying to make their relationship work? Is the vacation a step towards that? Nice intrigue in just 100 odd words. Well written. Cheers, Varad.
Hi there, yes I left this open to interpretation intentionally. Great that it led you to ask these questions 🙂 Thanks so much for dropping by!
As with the other males, this flew over my head. We are not good at picking up on subtle clues or mind reading. Women generally have to spell stuff out for us. I know it’s aggravating at times, but it’s just a defect in our DNA.
To be very fair to the men, I tried SO hard to get it close to 100 words that I think I really did lose some of the subtlety that could have been there before. But don’t worry, men will eventually evolve sufficiently to catch up with women!! 😉
This is interesting…it’s so focused, but it made things incredible!
Thanks so much for reading Miles, really glad you enjoyed it!
Great story! You might have been describing my partner and I trying to find our way through the streets of Florence. :o)
Thanks for visiting Lori – I hope the tension wasn’t simmering as badly as it was between these two when you were in Florence 🙂
Funny, part of it reminds me of the person having their nose buried in their cell phone rather than paying attention to what’s going on around them. And sometimes people use “things” so they don’t have to focus on what’s around them. You’ve done a good job of showing a couple who tries to repair their relationship by participating in a stressful endeavor.
Hi Sascha, thanks so much for visiting. I’m really glad the story worked for you!
I know he promises they will but it seems they are destined to part, or worse, stay together unhappy
Hi Michael, thanks for visiting. I’m really glad you picked up on the tension between them – not everyone did!
I also thought there was much more going on here than holiday stress. I could feel the tension. Well done!
Thanks so much Amie, really pleased it worked for you and you picked up on what I was trying to do 🙂